We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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