I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
