remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
