So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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