my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
