When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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