Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
