I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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