when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
