the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
