when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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