So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
