Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
