Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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