they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
