I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
