I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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