yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
