I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You left your phone here
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