is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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