need another drink. this is the easiest way
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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