I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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