The maid of honor just puked.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
