so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
