His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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