Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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