we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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