Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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