Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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