I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
