Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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