mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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