god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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