I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"