sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
