Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
