I wish I could teleport
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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