True but thats because hes a fetus.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today