he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
