Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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