Your face is a jimmy john
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
