i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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