Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
