i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
