booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
