just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
