Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
