Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
