MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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