someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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