No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
