they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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