How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
