Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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