you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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