i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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