my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
