You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
