it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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