Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
