is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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