Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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