My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
