Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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