I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
