Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
