dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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