hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
