____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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