what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
