yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
