Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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