SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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