Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
