I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
