Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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